Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
