Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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