I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize