is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
