That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
