did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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