My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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