I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
