You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
