I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
