You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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