I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
