i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize