So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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