So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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