I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
