This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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