Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
