And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They have beer where we have blood.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
