And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
