promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
