Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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