I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
