I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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