Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
