i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so let's talk penis.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
