I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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