went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
