You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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