I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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