There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
