I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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