i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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