just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
