I'm eating all of the evidence.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
