Swine flu. Run for my life!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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