I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
