You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
