in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
