All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
