I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pooping to opera.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
