im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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