how can u be prego again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
