Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
