just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
