I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize