Me too!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
