My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
