I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize