she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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