oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
