Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
