Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
