the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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