either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
